Wow. (: Haha. This post means a lot. And would mean even more if it weren’t from an anon. Reveal yourself so I can give you a proper thank you, please. (:
I just spent the last 15 minutes crying. Crying over how I’ve lost trust in so many people lately. The friends who I thought were my friends. They walked all over me and took advantage of my kindness. Because I do not judge and hold grudges, they took advantage of the forgiveness I allow them to have. Even though it’s them who hurt me. Crying over the fact that I’m tired of my life and I’m so frustrated with it. The things I’ve been through. The feelings and tears I’ve had to keep inside. I finally let them out all at once, leaving puddles of tears on my pillow. The only good thing I’ve gotten from crying for 15 minutes is venting and talking to my friend about it all. And over text message. She helped me realize that there will be ups and downs. There will be friends that will say they’ll always be there and that you can trust them with anything. But the reality is that they’ll just take advantage of that trust. She taught me that no matter what, there will be the friends that will be with you through thick and thin. They’ll be up with you until 4am talking and giving you advice. She helped me realize that life isn’t a one way street. She made me believe that God is always there. You just need to call to Him and tell Him your problems. Even though He knows every single one already.
Last person I text messaged… Kik messenger doesn’t count, right?
Uhm, but no, I would not cause that’d be awkward.
This is how you lose her.
You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her: the sincerity in a stranger’s voice during a trip to the grocery, the delight of finding something lost or forgotten like a sticker from when she was five, the selflessness of a child giving a part of his meal to another, the scent of new books in the store, the surprise short but honest notes she tucks in her journal and others you could only see if you look closely.
You must remember when she forgets.
You lose her when you don’t notice that she notices everything about you: your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality, your silence when you’re about to ask a question but you think anything you’re about to say to her would be silly, your mindless humming when it is too quiet, your handwriting when you sign your name in blank sheets of paper, your muted laughter when you are trying to be polite, and more and more of what you are, which you don’t even know about yourself, because she pays attention.
She remembers when you forget.
You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the beauty that she is. When you make her feel that she is replaceable. She wants to feel cherished. When you make her feel that you are fleeting. She wants you to stay. When you make her feel inadequate. She wants to know that she is enough and she does not need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.
You must learn her.
You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to.
You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.
And, this is how you keep her.
here’s a list of what i’d like to do with you:
- go on walks while holding hands
- have cute little dates
- have movie nights
- take adorable pictures
- go new places
- try new things
- fall in love
brutally fuck you
- look at the stars
- do everything i was ever scared to do alone.